All 4 members of Panic! At The Disco look like various versions of David. Either he's soaking into my brain in part of his evilish plan to take over the world, or else he just has one of those faces that everybody else has. Either way... this is American Idol.

Ryan is looking sexy tonight as is Michael Johns in the audience. Also, Ramiele and Kristy Lee but that is neither here nor there. God!

Paula’s cleavage is totally exposed and Ryan has to point it out cause it’s distracting Randy.

The top 3 - or as I like to call it David Cook and some other people you may not remember from a show where people sing - are singing ‘Ain’t No Stopping Us Now’. I have two comments for this. 1) Technically, Syesha going home with be stopping her now. So, not such a good idea. 2) Um, why are they singing this song? But the good news is there’s some Cook package and that’s always good. Plus, he’s the only one who sounds any good.

Ford commercial. Syesha, David, and David are walking through the woods when they stumble upon a fortune teller tent. Instead of fearing a weird gypsy tent in the middle of nowhere… they go inside. They look inside a box-tv thing that looks like the machine in Big that Tom Hanks made a wish on. Archie tries to make a wish to make him big, but this machine only shows them their futures. Or if your Syesha, a dream. For she is in a huge mansion surrounded by millions of gold and platinum records on the wall. I’m just being real ya’ll. You know I don’t front. Then Archie plays piano and buys a pool that has his face painted on the bottom and Cook gets excited about cars. Then back to present day and they all shrug like, “Yeah, okay. Suits me.” Then keys come out of the fortune telling machine and they all drive off in brand new Fords. Good time.

56 million votes, says Ryan.

Remember when David Cook was so awesome I thought I accidentally sat on the remote and changed the channel to The David Cook Show? Remember when Archie told us how their were hearts all over the world? Remember how Syesha got all hoochilicious and had eye-sex with a cello player on stage? Remember when Paula went kind of drunk girl crazy and blathered at length about how awesome Diane Warren is and how awesome Cook is and made him cry? Paula made him cry! He's sensitive. Then she spelled out “See you in the finals!” in the air with two strokes of her finger? Remember how I found a video of David Cook singing ‘Fuck Her Gently’ by Tenacious D and all was right with the world? Yes, that happened about an hour ago. Good times.

When will Fantasia just go away?! They never bring Clay and Kelly back like I want them too, but Constantine lives under the seats and Fantasia shows up every season. Fantasia’s hair is pink and her hoop earrings are big enough that Ryan and Paula come up on stage and do back flips through them after Randy lights them on fire and Simon just sits in his chair rolling his eyes at this spectacle. Ironically, Google tells me this song is called ‘Bore Me(Yawn)’. I wish the audience wouldn’t encourage this kind of asshatery.

GASP! Seacrest package! I don’t like that a Fantasia performance did that to him, but okay. I don’t care how it gets here as long as it gets here. Then they fake kiss.

Also, you can get a stamp with Jordin Sparks face on it.

So Ryan calls Archuleta to the stage as Idol decides to go along with the charade that Syesha might not be leaving us tonight. I swear to God I’ll kill all those girls in the mosh pit.

Archie would be from Utah. Friday he was “stoked” and “pumped” to be in Utah where people screamed and cheerleaders jumped on him and took his virginity. It all continued to a radio station and then to a mall where his arms were near ripped off by some crazy teenage girls. Then David cried. Awww, I love him so much. But he didn’t mean to cry or anything. Next it’s off to David’s old high school that he hasn’t seen forever, according to David. That’s such a long time. A mayor with a giant mustache names that day “David Archuleta Day” and then he sings ‘Imagine’ several different times. He says “gosh” no less than 12 times. I wanna pinch his cheeks and then put on a Blues Clues video for him. Then maybe cut up some hotdogs if he gets hungry. Ryan pretends that this might be David’s last time on the stage, but before he can say he’s just joking, a gang of 13 year-olds jump on stage and viciously murder him.

Then they play Archie’s goodbye package just in case. And they don’t use ‘Celebrate Me Home’, they use ‘Best Days’. Excellent Idol. You finally figured it out.

 Syesha’s all boobs tonight. Put a shirt on. Who do you think you are, Simon? Cover them up. During her visit home, some lady through her baby at Syesha and Syesha’s like “I can’t! I can’t!!” and the cops are like, “Ma’am, take your baby before we take it back to LA and let Ryan Seacrest raise it.” Then Sy goes to her house and hugs children, but in a completely disingenuous way. And then she cries in a limo. I can’t stand her. She’s all phony, all right.

Back to present day, her goodbye package - which will become a reality in approximately 23 minutes - is set to the song that was the finale song for Fantasia during season 3, which is kind of a slap in the face to Syesha. “This song was sung by somebody who won, but you’re not going to win so let’s listen to it while we help you pack your bags! On second thought, pack your own bags, but let’s put this song on repeat.” Good times, Idol. Good times.

Too much time has gone by without seeing David Cook, I’m going through withdrawal. I don’t know what I’ll do next week after the season ends. Maybe I’ll start doing heroin.

I love how David Cook had no intentions of auditioning when he came with his brother to the auditions, and now here he is, 7 days away from winning. Ryan brings the aforementioned brother on stage. He’s kind of cute. Freakishly tall, but cute.

Back in Cook’s hometown of Missouri, he visit’s the local news and does the weather for them. Then girls smash their faces on to windows and he plays with small children in a radio station. He walks onstage to do a short performance and freaks out about how many people are waiting there for him. Then he sings ‘Holding Out For A Hero’. Also, he sang ‘Living On A Prayer’ and ‘Always Be My Baby’ but they don’t show that part, but I know it happened. Next, it’s off to his elementary school to surprise the teacher who got him into music in the first place. Hundreds of grade school kids have heart attacks. They keep showing this cute brother Andrew. Why have they hidden him from us all this time? Then at David’s high school, so many people scream and cheer for him, he cries like crazy. God, I want to marry him. And this cute Andrew, who we’ve missed months getting to know, also cries.

David’s video package is beauty times seven. His song is ‘What About Now’, a song I love more than life. I actually used these lyrics in my current myspace layout, which is also David theme, which is clearly a sign. It‘s all coming together.(http://www.myspace.com/seaken - holla)

Blozor636 (8:52:43 PM): Hey. Ryan's all stubbly.
Blozor636 (8:52:49 PM): He's trying to compete for your attention.
roarimaraptor (8:52:51 PM): i didn't even notice
roarimaraptor (8:52:52 PM): ha!!
Blozor636 (8:52:58 PM): Ryan is shamed.
roarimaraptor (8:53:03 PM): i should be shot

Blake Lewis may or may not be sitting behind the judges table. Or someone who looks like him. I don’t know. But it’s definitely somebody.

The three contestants hold hands, Syesha in the middle. Simon predicts if it’s the two Davids, that next week will be a humdinger. Ryan makes gay jokes that go unnoticed. But not by me. I see your gay joke and I raise you a knowing glance.

The two vying for the championship next week………………... DAVID AND DAVID!!! Cook was more excited about Archuleta being in than he was about himself. He seems sad about Syesha.

Michael Johns is all kinds of hot in the audience.

Then Syesha sings us out, and it’s as uneventful as it always is.

BUT DAVID VERSUS DAVID!!  I am totally writing “Go Cook!” on my forehead with black war paint and drawing black streaks on my cheeks and showing up to work like that next Tuesdays. My boss’s daughters are all voting for Archie. I will take those children down!!

Tune in next week, when David and David go head to head with a song unknown and whatever this year's coronation song is, which probably is something about moments of pride when your dream comes true or some shit that I know nothing about because my current dreams consist of buying a shirt with David Cook's face on it because sometimes I am 12 and making sure I don't miss Ryan on Jimmy Kimmell Friday night especially since I've known about it for a month. And neither evokes the kind of pride that would bring tears to my parent's eyes. Though one time I made a karaoke recording of 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' and my dad wanted me to burn it to a CD so he could listen to it on repeat even though I can't really sing. That’s called blind love, ya’ll.

I know alot of people read and don't like to comment, but I am curious how many readers I have this season compared to last. Or rather I should say, I'm curious how many readers Nina has led to me. The myspace "views" don't say much, cause sometimes I come to read my own blog cause I'm self-indulgent like that and some people might view the page more than once or just open it, see that it's an Idol recap, and run for the hills. Plus, I post this in several different places. So take this poll! If you're a reader, vote yes. If you're not, vote no, but I'll know you're lying cause if you weren't a reader you never would have read this poll. The poll is anonymous, even to me, so don't be ashamed.